1 00:00:02,554 --> 00:00:04,073 Please welcome Nathan Fielder. 2 00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:07,490 If you watch late-night TV, 3 00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:08,905 you might have seen my recent guest spot 4 00:00:08,974 --> 00:00:10,941 on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" 5 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,565 As you can see, I'm very relaxed, 6 00:00:13,634 --> 00:00:15,670 and getting big laughs from the audience. 7 00:00:18,397 --> 00:00:19,950 Firstly-- 8 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,814 But what you could never guess 9 00:00:21,883 --> 00:00:23,747 is that this seemingly effortless appearance 10 00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:26,233 was one of the most calculated events 11 00:00:26,302 --> 00:00:27,717 in human history. 12 00:00:31,134 --> 00:00:32,860 Every year, when the new season 13 00:00:32,929 --> 00:00:34,413 of "Nathan For You" is about to premiere, 14 00:00:34,482 --> 00:00:36,519 Comedy Central will schedule 15 00:00:36,588 --> 00:00:39,108 promotional appearances for me on late-night talk shows. 16 00:00:39,177 --> 00:00:40,454 Please welcome Nathan Fielder! 17 00:00:40,523 --> 00:00:41,489 Nathan Fielder! 18 00:00:41,558 --> 00:00:42,766 Nathan Fielder. 19 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:43,802 Nathan Fielder, everybody. 20 00:00:46,218 --> 00:00:48,669 But as someone who's not naturally charismatic, 21 00:00:48,738 --> 00:00:51,982 these appearances have often gone awkwardly for me, 22 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,708 as I've struggled to find interesting things 23 00:00:53,777 --> 00:00:55,262 to say about myself. 24 00:00:55,331 --> 00:00:56,642 What part of Canada are you from? 25 00:00:56,711 --> 00:00:58,127 - Vancouver. - Oh. 26 00:00:58,196 --> 00:00:59,714 - Have you been? - Yes. 27 00:00:59,783 --> 00:01:01,302 Yes, I like it there. 28 00:01:01,371 --> 00:01:03,166 It's, uh, really nice. 29 00:01:03,235 --> 00:01:05,617 You see, celebrities normally use talk shows 30 00:01:05,686 --> 00:01:07,826 to give fans a window into their exciting lives. 31 00:01:07,895 --> 00:01:09,966 Me and the president are like this. 32 00:01:10,035 --> 00:01:11,105 We're best friends. 33 00:01:11,174 --> 00:01:12,555 But unlike Kevin Hart, 34 00:01:12,624 --> 00:01:14,488 I haven't met the president. 35 00:01:14,557 --> 00:01:17,215 My life just isn't that interesting. 36 00:01:17,284 --> 00:01:18,906 When I'm not at work, 37 00:01:18,975 --> 00:01:20,666 I mostly just spend time with my cats. 38 00:01:20,735 --> 00:01:23,013 You guys trying to take a shower? 39 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,429 Or try to perfect a cooking skill, 40 00:01:24,498 --> 00:01:27,535 like boiling eggs. 41 00:01:27,604 --> 00:01:29,158 So when I was recently emailed a date 42 00:01:29,227 --> 00:01:30,814 to appear on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" 43 00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:32,126 to promote the new season, 44 00:01:32,195 --> 00:01:33,921 I was filled with dread. 45 00:01:33,990 --> 00:01:35,957 Any potential story I tried to tell 46 00:01:36,026 --> 00:01:37,683 just felt boring. 47 00:01:37,752 --> 00:01:39,858 When you take them out of the boiling water, 48 00:01:39,927 --> 00:01:41,204 you need to put them into ice water 49 00:01:41,273 --> 00:01:44,104 immediately, or else the yolks 50 00:01:44,173 --> 00:01:46,382 don't, you know-- 51 00:01:46,451 --> 00:01:48,246 they'll--they'll keep cooking, you know? 52 00:01:48,315 --> 00:01:49,661 And they'll get too hard. 53 00:01:49,730 --> 00:01:50,903 Mm-hmm. 54 00:01:50,972 --> 00:01:52,560 With the pressure on me 55 00:01:52,629 --> 00:01:54,597 to gain viewers for the new season, 56 00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:56,909 I just couldn't afford to bomb on a talk show again. 57 00:01:56,978 --> 00:01:58,256 You want to come back on another night, 58 00:01:58,325 --> 00:01:59,809 - and we'll try this again? - Sorry. 59 00:02:01,776 --> 00:02:03,606 So I began researching talk show appearances 60 00:02:03,675 --> 00:02:06,160 and discovered that these seemingly random stories 61 00:02:06,229 --> 00:02:09,543 all followed a very similar formula. 62 00:02:09,612 --> 00:02:12,028 They were all based around a crazy experience 63 00:02:12,097 --> 00:02:14,824 that the celebrity had, and the best ones involved 64 00:02:14,893 --> 00:02:16,343 either a funny picture, 65 00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:18,276 a twist ending... 66 00:02:18,345 --> 00:02:20,070 And my friend walks by, and I grabbed her, 67 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,762 and I was like, "This is Elizabeth Taylor!" 68 00:02:21,831 --> 00:02:24,627 And she was like, "No, it's not." 69 00:02:24,696 --> 00:02:26,594 Or what seemed to be the gold standard 70 00:02:26,663 --> 00:02:28,734 of talk show stories: 71 00:02:28,803 --> 00:02:30,909 getting pulled over by a cop at the worst possible time. 72 00:02:30,978 --> 00:02:32,980 The police pulled me over. 73 00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:34,637 And this, uh, policeman comes up, pulls me over-- 74 00:02:34,706 --> 00:02:35,810 And I see the sirens behind me, 75 00:02:35,879 --> 00:02:37,605 and I get pulled over, 76 00:02:37,674 --> 00:02:39,538 - And I got pulled over. - I get pulled over. 77 00:02:39,607 --> 00:02:41,230 - The cops pulled us over. - And I got pulled over. 78 00:02:41,299 --> 00:02:42,990 And it was really embarrassing. 79 00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:45,061 - The cop pulled me over. - I got pulled over. 80 00:02:45,130 --> 00:02:46,856 - The cops pulled me over. - And we got pulled over. 81 00:02:46,925 --> 00:02:48,754 The lights are flashing, and I'm like, 82 00:02:48,823 --> 00:02:50,756 "Oh, who are they pulling over?' And I realize it's me. 83 00:02:50,825 --> 00:02:54,277 And I said, "I'm so sorry, police--Mr. Policeman." 84 00:02:54,346 --> 00:02:56,452 I do know that I was pulled over twice in one week. 85 00:02:56,521 --> 00:02:58,005 How do you get pulled over 4 times and not get a ticket? 86 00:02:58,074 --> 00:02:59,800 This was really funny, actually. 87 00:02:59,869 --> 00:03:01,974 They were so--I was-- I got pulled over, 88 00:03:02,043 --> 00:03:03,942 So after watching nearly six hours 89 00:03:04,011 --> 00:03:06,462 of celebrity interviews and taking extensive notes, 90 00:03:06,531 --> 00:03:09,327 I had compiled enough ideas to construct 91 00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:13,641 what could very well be the ultimate talk show anecdote. 92 00:03:13,710 --> 00:03:15,609 If I was flying to an out-of-town wedding 93 00:03:15,678 --> 00:03:17,231 and I accidentally grabbed 94 00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:19,475 the wrong suitcase at the airport, 95 00:03:19,544 --> 00:03:21,787 I could tell a funny tale about being forced to wear 96 00:03:21,856 --> 00:03:24,031 the oversized suit of a stranger, 97 00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:26,551 and then, if I discovered a small baggie 98 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,829 containing a chalky substance in the pocket, 99 00:03:28,898 --> 00:03:31,797 moments before a cop pulled me over for speeding, 100 00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:34,179 it would add a heavy dose of suspense, 101 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,354 and finally, if the owner of the suit 102 00:03:36,423 --> 00:03:38,321 told me that the substance in the baggie 103 00:03:38,390 --> 00:03:40,358 was actually his mother's ashes, 104 00:03:40,427 --> 00:03:42,843 it would be a twist ending so unexpected 105 00:03:42,912 --> 00:03:44,914 that the audience on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" 106 00:03:44,983 --> 00:03:46,847 would shower me with laughter and applause 107 00:03:46,916 --> 00:03:49,332 unlike anything I'd experienced before. 108 00:03:49,401 --> 00:03:51,058 So I put on the suit, and I look like a-- 109 00:03:51,127 --> 00:03:53,163 you know, a Dick Tracy villain or something. 110 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,027 - Dick Tracy. - You know? Yeah. 111 00:03:55,096 --> 00:03:57,375 When I told the story to my employee Salomon, 112 00:03:57,444 --> 00:03:59,825 it killed, but there was still one problem: 113 00:03:59,894 --> 00:04:02,000 it was entirely made-up, 114 00:04:02,069 --> 00:04:03,381 and to lie on a talk show 115 00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:04,865 would be a massive risk. 116 00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:06,694 Brian Williams once did it. 117 00:04:06,763 --> 00:04:09,318 Uh, two of our four helicopters were hit 118 00:04:09,387 --> 00:04:11,285 by ground fire, including the one I was in. 119 00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:12,459 No kidding. 120 00:04:12,528 --> 00:04:14,254 Uh, RPG and AK-47. 121 00:04:14,323 --> 00:04:15,979 And it destroyed his career. 122 00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,637 I want to apologize. I said I was traveling 123 00:04:18,706 --> 00:04:21,468 in an aircraft that was hit by RPG fire. 124 00:04:21,537 --> 00:04:22,814 I made a mistake. 125 00:04:22,883 --> 00:04:24,022 I didn't want to become 126 00:04:24,091 --> 00:04:25,886 the next Brian Williams. 127 00:04:25,955 --> 00:04:28,233 So that meant, to ensure my story wasn't a lie, 128 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:31,409 I'd have to orchestrate an elaborate series of events 129 00:04:31,478 --> 00:04:33,342 to make every single plot point 130 00:04:33,411 --> 00:04:35,067 happen to me for real. 131 00:04:35,136 --> 00:04:36,759 My story begins with me attending 132 00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:38,381 an out-of-town wedding, 133 00:04:38,450 --> 00:04:39,900 so the first thing I'd have to do 134 00:04:39,969 --> 00:04:41,557 is get invited to one. 135 00:04:41,626 --> 00:04:43,213 To do this, I decided to approach 136 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,388 the owner of a popular wedding venue 137 00:04:45,457 --> 00:04:47,356 in Agoura Hills, California, 138 00:04:47,425 --> 00:04:49,496 pretending to be planning a wedding of my own. 139 00:04:49,565 --> 00:04:51,014 - Thanks so much. - You here by yourself? 140 00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:52,982 - Yeah. My wife couldn't-- - Okay. 141 00:04:53,051 --> 00:04:55,847 My fiancée couldn't be here. She, uh, she has Klein's, 142 00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:58,228 - so she has to stay in bed. - Okay. Okay, cool. 143 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,369 - Well, you want to see the ranch? - Uh, yeah, yeah, I'd love to. 144 00:05:00,438 --> 00:05:01,784 All right. Come on, let me show you. 145 00:05:01,853 --> 00:05:02,888 - Looks beautiful. - Thank you. 146 00:05:02,957 --> 00:05:04,718 But my real goal 147 00:05:04,787 --> 00:05:06,754 was to get the names and contact information 148 00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:08,722 of a couple whose nuptials were quickly approaching. 149 00:05:08,791 --> 00:05:10,655 I'd love to talk to one of these couples 150 00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:12,346 that's, uh, going to be getting married here, 151 00:05:12,415 --> 00:05:14,244 to, you know... 152 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,557 Find out how they're planning it. 153 00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:18,697 Um, I could put you in touch with the planners. You know? 154 00:05:18,766 --> 00:05:20,423 Oh, okay. You don't trust me? 155 00:05:20,492 --> 00:05:23,357 I trust you. 156 00:05:23,426 --> 00:05:25,946 So why not just give me their number? 157 00:05:26,015 --> 00:05:27,741 Um, 'cause I don't want to 158 00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:29,398 just give you a client's phone number. 159 00:05:29,467 --> 00:05:30,916 I'd have to clear that with them first, you know? 160 00:05:30,985 --> 00:05:32,021 But the venue manager 161 00:05:32,090 --> 00:05:33,712 was stonewalling me. 162 00:05:33,781 --> 00:05:35,749 So when she left to go to the bathroom, 163 00:05:35,818 --> 00:05:37,337 I looked through her computer 164 00:05:37,406 --> 00:05:38,993 and got the information I needed. 165 00:05:40,823 --> 00:05:42,376 Now that I had the names and phone numbers 166 00:05:42,445 --> 00:05:44,309 of some soon-to-be-married couples, 167 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,036 we contacted one of them as a wedding reality show, 168 00:05:47,105 --> 00:05:48,969 and they agreed to meet with me, 169 00:05:49,038 --> 00:05:51,558 thinking I was a fiancé who needed planning advice. 170 00:05:51,627 --> 00:05:54,595 A lot of the wedding planning I'm doing, 171 00:05:54,664 --> 00:05:57,046 because she has to sleep most of the day, 172 00:05:57,115 --> 00:05:59,359 as Klein's does to you, but, uh... 173 00:05:59,428 --> 00:06:01,602 you know, I'm taking it on myself, 174 00:06:01,671 --> 00:06:04,364 and I'm really excited to-- to do it. 175 00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:05,813 It's nice. It's a good feeling. 176 00:06:05,882 --> 00:06:07,988 Yeah. 177 00:06:08,057 --> 00:06:09,438 The couple was gracious enough to give me some pointers. 178 00:06:09,507 --> 00:06:11,094 - Pinterest. - Pinterest? 179 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:13,062 Yes. You know, especially if she's resting 180 00:06:13,131 --> 00:06:14,512 and she can just mess with the computer, it's so easy. 181 00:06:14,581 --> 00:06:16,168 But what they didn't know 182 00:06:16,237 --> 00:06:18,067 was that my only purpose for being there 183 00:06:18,136 --> 00:06:20,310 was to score a real invite to their wedding. 184 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,209 You know, I'd love to see the-- 185 00:06:22,278 --> 00:06:25,315 the venue when there's an actual wedding going on. 186 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,938 I don't know if... 187 00:06:27,007 --> 00:06:29,941 could... take a peek, or... 188 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:32,012 Like, the setup and everything of it? 189 00:06:32,081 --> 00:06:34,773 Yeah, before, and maybe... 190 00:06:34,842 --> 00:06:37,535 a little bit during, or... 191 00:06:39,571 --> 00:06:42,505 I mean... 192 00:06:42,574 --> 00:06:44,542 - Of ours? - Uh, yeah. 193 00:06:44,611 --> 00:06:46,647 I mean, just to-- look, I really want to be 194 00:06:46,716 --> 00:06:48,753 - thorough with my research. - I don't know. 195 00:06:48,822 --> 00:06:51,687 A lot going on on that day, so we're not sure if we want 196 00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:54,517 someone coming around and having to worry about that. 197 00:06:54,586 --> 00:06:56,519 Oh, you wouldn't have to worry about me. 198 00:06:56,588 --> 00:06:58,314 - I'd just take a peek and-- - It's a-- 199 00:06:58,383 --> 00:07:00,558 it's just a really-- it's a really busy day. 200 00:07:00,627 --> 00:07:02,180 There's going to be a lot going on, 201 00:07:02,249 --> 00:07:03,906 and it starts at, like, 9:00 a.m. 202 00:07:03,975 --> 00:07:05,666 Or at least I have to be there at, like, 9:00. 203 00:07:05,735 --> 00:07:06,805 Something like that. 204 00:07:06,874 --> 00:07:08,911 You know, I wouldn't eat-- 205 00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:10,671 wouldn't have to eat or drink or--you know, I wouldn't be-- 206 00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:12,052 Just to check out. 207 00:07:12,121 --> 00:07:13,191 - Yeah. - Yeah, we get that. 208 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:15,814 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 209 00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:19,197 Just, you know, for my fiancée to--who can't be there. 210 00:07:19,266 --> 00:07:23,132 She'll be resting, so... 211 00:07:23,201 --> 00:07:25,410 Yeah, maybe. I mean, it would be a cool-- 212 00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:26,825 I mean, it'd be cool for you to see everything. 213 00:07:26,894 --> 00:07:29,932 Yeah. All right. 214 00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:31,865 So I'm invited, I guess, or... 215 00:07:31,934 --> 00:07:34,315 Um... 216 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:40,598 - Just invited to look. - Yeah. Yeah. 217 00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:42,462 You're invited to come and see, sure. 218 00:07:42,531 --> 00:07:44,774 - That's great. Okay. - Yeah. 219 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,537 It was now an undeniable fact 220 00:07:48,606 --> 00:07:49,952 that I was invited to a real wedding, 221 00:07:50,021 --> 00:07:51,332 and with those words, 222 00:07:51,401 --> 00:07:52,782 my made-up story for Kimmel 223 00:07:52,851 --> 00:07:54,508 was starting to become true. 224 00:07:54,577 --> 00:07:56,268 But making my next plot point happen 225 00:07:56,337 --> 00:07:57,580 would take some work. 226 00:07:57,649 --> 00:07:59,375 Arranging a luggage mix-up 227 00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:01,515 with a man who packed an oversized suit 228 00:08:01,584 --> 00:08:03,586 that has his real mother's ashes 229 00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:05,415 stored in the pocket. 230 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,417 So I reached out to the Craigslist community 231 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,799 seeing if anyone who had their mother's ashes 232 00:08:09,868 --> 00:08:12,940 and a large suit would be willing to help me out, 233 00:08:13,009 --> 00:08:15,322 and within days, I had a few responses. 234 00:08:15,391 --> 00:08:17,876 I actually have two different bags. 235 00:08:17,945 --> 00:08:20,534 One are my father's ashes, and one are my mother's ashes. 236 00:08:20,603 --> 00:08:22,709 Okay. But unfortunately, 237 00:08:22,778 --> 00:08:24,918 when it came time to try on their suits, 238 00:08:24,987 --> 00:08:27,714 none of them were big enough to provide the comedic effect 239 00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:29,198 I needed for my story. 240 00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:31,476 Yeah, this is basically my size. 241 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,513 There was one guy named Sal 242 00:08:33,582 --> 00:08:34,962 whose suit was really big and good. 243 00:08:35,031 --> 00:08:36,723 This is good. 244 00:08:36,792 --> 00:08:39,208 But unfortunately, he misunderstood the ad, 245 00:08:39,277 --> 00:08:41,900 and believed the ashes weren't supposed to be real. 246 00:08:41,969 --> 00:08:43,419 The post said, you know, 247 00:08:43,488 --> 00:08:45,697 I wanted your real mother's ashes. 248 00:08:45,766 --> 00:08:47,216 Yeah. I thought it was going to be provided for me. 249 00:08:47,285 --> 00:08:48,873 Like a prop or something. 250 00:08:48,942 --> 00:08:50,219 - Oh, okay. - I didn't think they'd need 251 00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:51,979 an actual mother's ashes. 252 00:08:52,048 --> 00:08:53,981 I--is your mom dead? 253 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:55,707 No. 254 00:08:55,776 --> 00:08:57,709 Okay. 255 00:08:57,778 --> 00:09:00,194 It was unfortunate that Sal's mom was still alive, 256 00:09:00,263 --> 00:09:03,404 because the suit was perfect, but after he left, 257 00:09:03,473 --> 00:09:05,648 I realized there might still be a way 258 00:09:05,717 --> 00:09:07,892 of getting those ashes I needed. 259 00:09:07,961 --> 00:09:10,722 So I asked him to meet me at his mom's house the next day 260 00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:12,759 to tell him my creative work-around. 261 00:09:12,828 --> 00:09:15,209 Technically, ashes can be 262 00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:18,178 any part of her, as long as it's burned. 263 00:09:18,247 --> 00:09:21,457 So I figure, if there's stuff 264 00:09:21,526 --> 00:09:24,046 from her body that she doesn't use, 265 00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:27,601 like, you know, nails, or an old tooth, 266 00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,569 or some hair, maybe, 267 00:09:29,638 --> 00:09:31,778 if we use that, 268 00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:34,159 we should be fine. 269 00:09:34,228 --> 00:09:35,920 Uh, what do you think? 270 00:09:35,989 --> 00:09:37,749 How much hair? 271 00:09:37,818 --> 00:09:40,027 It just has to be enough to fill a tiny baggie. 272 00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:41,546 Just a--just a little bit. 273 00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:42,996 Like a trim from the bottom, or... 274 00:09:43,065 --> 00:09:44,169 Yeah. 275 00:09:44,238 --> 00:09:46,309 Just a little bit. 276 00:09:49,105 --> 00:09:50,969 Okay, I'll talk to her. See what she-- 277 00:09:51,038 --> 00:09:52,833 The nails and the hairs, I'm pretty sure. 278 00:09:52,902 --> 00:09:55,940 - Okay. - I'll see what she says. 279 00:09:56,009 --> 00:09:57,838 And with that, we headed in to meet Mommy. 280 00:09:57,907 --> 00:09:59,426 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, too. 281 00:09:59,495 --> 00:10:02,498 So, um, an opportunity came up for me, 282 00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:05,294 and, pretty much, uh, 283 00:10:05,363 --> 00:10:06,571 he's going to be in a talk show, 284 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,746 and he wants to tell a story. 285 00:10:08,815 --> 00:10:11,369 So in order for it to be real, 286 00:10:11,438 --> 00:10:14,337 we need a little bit of your hair and some nail clippings, 287 00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,615 and then we're going to burn them up, 288 00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:17,271 and turn them into ashes. 289 00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:20,309 - Hair from--my hair? - Your hair, yeah. 290 00:10:20,378 --> 00:10:21,828 There was a miscommunication. 291 00:10:21,897 --> 00:10:23,450 I thought you were dead, so I thought 292 00:10:23,519 --> 00:10:25,452 he had your ashes. Um... 293 00:10:25,521 --> 00:10:27,178 We just need a little bit. 294 00:10:27,247 --> 00:10:29,456 My hair is okay. My hair... 295 00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:30,768 You're not gonna go bald. 296 00:10:30,837 --> 00:10:32,632 I don't know-- 297 00:10:32,701 --> 00:10:34,772 Yes, it's a good opportunity for you, it's okay. 298 00:10:34,841 --> 00:10:36,670 With Sal's mom on board, 299 00:10:36,739 --> 00:10:38,776 we started collecting some parts of her body 300 00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:41,330 that we'd then convert into ashes. 301 00:10:41,399 --> 00:10:42,814 Along with the hair trimmings, 302 00:10:42,883 --> 00:10:45,334 she also gave us her fingernails, 303 00:10:45,403 --> 00:10:48,820 some dead skin from her feet, 304 00:10:48,889 --> 00:10:52,203 and contributed some ear wax that we added to the bag. 305 00:10:52,272 --> 00:10:54,964 We also got permission to snake her drain 306 00:10:55,033 --> 00:10:56,794 for any body parts that might have fallen in 307 00:10:56,863 --> 00:10:58,485 during a shower. 308 00:10:58,554 --> 00:11:00,901 Once I felt I had enough of Sal's mom, 309 00:11:00,970 --> 00:11:03,386 we rushed her parts to a local crematory, 310 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,803 where the remains were put in a big oven 311 00:11:05,872 --> 00:11:07,977 and incinerated at temperatures exceeding 312 00:11:08,046 --> 00:11:10,773 1,400 degrees Fahrenheit. 313 00:11:10,842 --> 00:11:12,879 So with Sal's real mother's ashes 314 00:11:12,948 --> 00:11:14,121 now in hand, 315 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:16,158 and the wedding just days away, 316 00:11:16,227 --> 00:11:17,987 I could now prepare for the luggage mix-up 317 00:11:18,056 --> 00:11:20,058 that would be the catalyst of my story. 318 00:11:20,127 --> 00:11:23,130 So I transferred the ashes to a small Ziploc baggie 319 00:11:23,199 --> 00:11:25,063 and had Sal put them 320 00:11:25,132 --> 00:11:27,031 in the inside breast pocket of his suit jacket, 321 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,618 which he was instructed to pack 322 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,724 in one of two identical suitcases 323 00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:32,484 I'd purchased earlier that week. 324 00:11:32,553 --> 00:11:34,210 - Thanks, Sal. - You're welcome. 325 00:11:34,279 --> 00:11:36,972 It turned out the wedding venue in Agoura Hills 326 00:11:37,041 --> 00:11:40,561 was only a 45-minute drive from my home in Los Angeles, 327 00:11:40,630 --> 00:11:42,909 but for a real luggage mix-up to happen, 328 00:11:42,978 --> 00:11:44,738 I would need to fly, 329 00:11:44,807 --> 00:11:47,223 so I booked a round-trip ticket to San Francisco 330 00:11:47,292 --> 00:11:49,225 that would immediately return to Los Angeles 331 00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:50,882 that same morning. 332 00:11:50,951 --> 00:11:52,953 And when the big day finally came, 333 00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:55,887 it was time to bring my story to life. 334 00:11:58,476 --> 00:12:00,202 The day of the wedding had arrived. 335 00:12:00,271 --> 00:12:02,100 So I headed to LAX, where I had pre-arranged 336 00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:04,585 for Sal to be booked on the same flight as me. 337 00:12:04,654 --> 00:12:06,587 From this moment forward, 338 00:12:06,656 --> 00:12:08,313 everything would need to happen like clockwork, 339 00:12:08,382 --> 00:12:11,144 so when Sal and I landed in San Francisco, 340 00:12:11,213 --> 00:12:12,939 we both got our bags 341 00:12:13,008 --> 00:12:14,630 and then immediately checked them back in 342 00:12:14,699 --> 00:12:16,597 for our return flight to LA. 343 00:12:16,666 --> 00:12:19,635 Sal and I didn't exchange a single word 344 00:12:19,704 --> 00:12:21,326 throughout the entire round trip, 345 00:12:21,395 --> 00:12:24,433 which is typical for two strangers. 346 00:12:24,502 --> 00:12:26,573 When the flight landed in Los Angeles, 347 00:12:26,642 --> 00:12:28,264 we both went to the luggage carousel 348 00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:30,266 where Sal was told to take my bag. 349 00:12:30,335 --> 00:12:32,406 So when his luggage came around, 350 00:12:32,475 --> 00:12:34,098 it would be a true fact 351 00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,237 that I grabbed someone else's suitcase 352 00:12:35,306 --> 00:12:36,894 at the airport. 353 00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:38,481 And after getting my rental car 354 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,104 and making the hour-long drive 355 00:12:40,173 --> 00:12:41,899 to my hotel in Agoura Hills, 356 00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:44,384 it was time for the moment in my story 357 00:12:44,453 --> 00:12:46,179 where I would open my luggage to discover 358 00:12:46,248 --> 00:12:47,939 none of my clothes were inside. 359 00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:51,805 As instructed, Sal had filled out 360 00:12:51,874 --> 00:12:53,980 his contact info on the luggage tag, 361 00:12:54,049 --> 00:12:56,189 allowing me to call the suitcase owner 362 00:12:56,258 --> 00:12:58,329 and explain that I had nothing to wear to the wedding. 363 00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:04,645 Oh, yeah, that would-- that would be great. 364 00:13:04,714 --> 00:13:07,131 With just 30 minutes until the wedding, 365 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,133 I was now in the oversized suit 366 00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:11,791 that would serve as the funny visual for my story. 367 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,827 And right on cue, I discovered 368 00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:15,760 the suspicious baggie in the pocket, 369 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,831 setting the scene for the essential moment 370 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,591 of every great talk show anecdote: 371 00:13:19,660 --> 00:13:21,524 getting pulled over by a cop 372 00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:23,492 at the worst possible time. 373 00:13:23,561 --> 00:13:25,632 I didn't want to break the law, 374 00:13:25,701 --> 00:13:27,461 so I had my production team close down 375 00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:28,946 a small stretch of road 376 00:13:29,015 --> 00:13:30,740 en route to the wedding, 377 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,397 where a real police officer I had hired 378 00:13:32,466 --> 00:13:34,192 was waiting and ready to pull me over 379 00:13:34,261 --> 00:13:35,987 the second I surpassed the speed limit. 380 00:13:36,056 --> 00:13:36,988 Ready? 381 00:13:37,057 --> 00:13:38,438 Ready. 382 00:13:46,653 --> 00:13:49,311 Once I crossed 35, I heard the sirens 383 00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:51,175 and pulled over to the side of the road, 384 00:13:51,244 --> 00:13:53,453 making it truthful that a cop pulled me over 385 00:13:53,522 --> 00:13:55,006 on the way to the wedding. 386 00:13:55,075 --> 00:13:56,525 So all that was left to do 387 00:13:56,594 --> 00:13:58,320 was engage with the officer 388 00:13:58,389 --> 00:14:00,425 in a dialogue I had prepared in advance. 389 00:14:00,494 --> 00:14:01,702 Hey, um... 390 00:14:01,771 --> 00:14:03,497 can you just read these lines? 391 00:14:03,566 --> 00:14:05,637 Yours are highlighted. 392 00:14:05,706 --> 00:14:07,191 Thanks. 393 00:14:07,260 --> 00:14:09,020 License and registration, please. 394 00:14:09,089 --> 00:14:10,780 Here you go, officer. 395 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,472 My hope was that this 396 00:14:12,541 --> 00:14:14,267 strategically crafted interaction 397 00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:16,269 would maximize the suspense of my story 398 00:14:16,338 --> 00:14:19,341 while allowing me to showcase my quick wit. 399 00:14:19,410 --> 00:14:21,791 Thank God you're not the, uh, fashion police, 400 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,759 or I'd be in big trouble. 401 00:14:26,831 --> 00:14:28,937 What's that? 402 00:14:29,006 --> 00:14:30,731 What? 403 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,595 That bag on the seat. 404 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,770 Oh, I don't know. It's not mine. 405 00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:36,082 Hand it to me. 406 00:14:36,151 --> 00:14:37,359 The officer was hitting 407 00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:39,119 all his lines perfectly. 408 00:14:39,188 --> 00:14:40,949 So you're telling me you got the wrong luggage 409 00:14:41,018 --> 00:14:42,778 and this was inside the suit jacket 410 00:14:42,847 --> 00:14:44,159 and it's not even your suit? 411 00:14:44,228 --> 00:14:45,367 I can call the guy. 412 00:14:45,436 --> 00:14:47,300 I have--I have his number. 413 00:14:47,369 --> 00:14:49,716 And it was soon time for the climax of my story. 414 00:14:49,785 --> 00:14:52,305 All right, so I'm going to start off with-- 415 00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:54,238 Are you the owner of this suit-- 416 00:14:54,307 --> 00:14:55,825 Are you the owner of this suit? 417 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,931 Of the suit that this gentleman's wearing? 418 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,416 Okay. What's in the baggie? 419 00:15:02,211 --> 00:15:04,075 Okay, thank you. 420 00:15:04,144 --> 00:15:06,802 And once the officer handed back the phone, 421 00:15:06,871 --> 00:15:08,735 all that was left was the big twist ending. 422 00:15:08,804 --> 00:15:11,393 What did he say was in the baggie? 423 00:15:11,462 --> 00:15:14,499 It's his mother's ashes. 424 00:15:14,568 --> 00:15:16,881 Oh, my. 425 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,021 - That's it. That's me-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. 426 00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:21,299 Thank you. That was great. You did great. Thanks. 427 00:15:21,368 --> 00:15:24,199 I did it, and with my run-in with the law complete, 428 00:15:24,268 --> 00:15:27,754 I made it to the wedding just in time for the ceremony. 429 00:15:27,823 --> 00:15:29,652 I tried to keep a low profile, 430 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,758 because even though I was technically invited, 431 00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:34,209 I doubted they'd be thrilled to see me. 432 00:15:34,278 --> 00:15:36,418 The ceremony was beautiful, 433 00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:38,765 and I especially liked the part where they kissed each other, 434 00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:41,009 because it was so romantic. 435 00:15:41,078 --> 00:15:43,666 With everything I needed for my story complete, 436 00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:46,014 I could've left right then. 437 00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:47,808 But I ended up staying for hours, 438 00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:49,845 deep into the night, 439 00:15:49,914 --> 00:15:52,054 and as my feet glided across the dance floor 440 00:15:52,123 --> 00:15:54,574 that had once only existed in my mind, 441 00:15:54,643 --> 00:15:58,164 I realized the exciting life I had envied in others 442 00:15:58,233 --> 00:16:00,373 had actually become my own. 443 00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,550 It was the night 444 00:16:05,619 --> 00:16:07,311 of my appearance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" 445 00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:08,588 And as I waited for my turn on the couch, 446 00:16:08,657 --> 00:16:10,521 I was feeling confident. 447 00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:14,525 I'd invested over $350,000 of my show's budget 448 00:16:14,594 --> 00:16:16,872 into the anecdote I'd be telling tonight, 449 00:16:16,941 --> 00:16:19,288 and that meant this had to work. 450 00:16:19,357 --> 00:16:21,739 But shortly after the show began, 451 00:16:21,808 --> 00:16:24,328 something happened that I never saw coming. 452 00:16:24,397 --> 00:16:26,882 Please say hello to Kirsten Dunst. 453 00:16:26,951 --> 00:16:28,849 The first guest of the night was Hollywood starlet 454 00:16:28,918 --> 00:16:31,818 Kirsten Dunst, and as she began telling her story, 455 00:16:31,887 --> 00:16:33,716 I couldn't believe my ears. 456 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:36,374 It started with talk of an upcoming wedding. 457 00:16:36,443 --> 00:16:38,583 You got engaged since the last time I saw you. 458 00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:40,723 I did, last December. Yeah. 459 00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,898 And then quickly transitioned into a story 460 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,004 about a luggage mix-up at an airport. 461 00:16:45,073 --> 00:16:46,798 She worked for Lufthansa. 462 00:16:46,867 --> 00:16:48,731 If someone was rude to her in the morning-- 463 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,561 - She did it twice, I think. - What'd she do? 464 00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:52,908 She would send their bag to a different country. 465 00:16:54,772 --> 00:16:56,463 I couldn't believe what I was seeing, 466 00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:58,362 and just when I thought it couldn't get worse... 467 00:16:58,431 --> 00:17:01,089 You know, you have movie pot, which is basically fake. 468 00:17:01,158 --> 00:17:03,608 You know, it's like, whatever they roll. Tobacco... 469 00:17:03,677 --> 00:17:04,782 - Oregano or whatever. - Oregano, yeah. 470 00:17:04,851 --> 00:17:06,473 She ended with a twist 471 00:17:06,542 --> 00:17:08,544 about confusing a baggie of fake drugs 472 00:17:08,613 --> 00:17:09,718 for real drugs. 473 00:17:09,787 --> 00:17:11,202 He came back, he's like, 474 00:17:11,271 --> 00:17:12,928 "Oh, you smoked a full blunt 475 00:17:12,997 --> 00:17:14,136 on one of the takes." 476 00:17:14,205 --> 00:17:15,241 I've never been that stoned 477 00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:17,070 in my entire life. 478 00:17:17,139 --> 00:17:18,899 I considered just leaving right then. 479 00:17:18,968 --> 00:17:20,798 How could I possibly follow 480 00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:23,490 a story that was so similar to mine? 481 00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:26,217 But before I knew it, the sound guy intercepted me, 482 00:17:26,286 --> 00:17:27,874 and all of a sudden, I was being ushered 483 00:17:27,943 --> 00:17:29,565 to the stage. 484 00:17:29,634 --> 00:17:31,395 I had no clue what would happen 485 00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:33,500 once I was out there, but at this point 486 00:17:33,569 --> 00:17:34,812 there was no turning back. 487 00:17:34,881 --> 00:17:36,745 Season four of "Nathan For You" 488 00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:39,092 premieres September 28th on Comedy Central. 489 00:17:39,161 --> 00:17:40,818 Please welcome Nathan Fielder! 490 00:17:57,559 --> 00:17:59,492 You got a lot of energy, Nathan. 491 00:17:59,561 --> 00:18:01,425 You remind me of a young George Lopez. 492 00:18:01,494 --> 00:18:03,496 Do you get that regularly? 493 00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:04,980 I love rock and roll. 494 00:18:06,947 --> 00:18:09,881 Couldn't help but jam a little bit with you guys. 495 00:18:09,950 --> 00:18:11,814 I was still in a state of shock 496 00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:13,713 as I stumbled through the initial banter 497 00:18:13,782 --> 00:18:15,094 and began my story. 498 00:18:15,163 --> 00:18:16,647 So, okay, I was going to a wedding 499 00:18:16,716 --> 00:18:18,545 - like, a out-of-town wedding. - Okay. 500 00:18:18,614 --> 00:18:20,306 You've been to weddings before. 501 00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:21,652 - I was at one once, yeah. - Yeah. 502 00:18:21,721 --> 00:18:23,654 And I could sense right away, 503 00:18:23,723 --> 00:18:26,657 the audience wasn't in the mood for another wedding tale. 504 00:18:26,726 --> 00:18:30,178 But I knew I did have one thing that Kirsten Dunst didn't: 505 00:18:30,247 --> 00:18:31,903 a funny visual. 506 00:18:31,972 --> 00:18:33,940 And I put on the suit, but the only thing is, 507 00:18:34,009 --> 00:18:35,459 it's, uh... 508 00:18:35,528 --> 00:18:36,598 it's, like, way too big for me. 509 00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:38,289 Okay. 510 00:18:38,358 --> 00:18:40,429 Actually, I sent your producers the photo. 511 00:18:40,498 --> 00:18:41,568 Oh, you have a photo? Oh, how 'bout that? 512 00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:42,776 That's me in the hotel room. 513 00:18:42,845 --> 00:18:44,192 - I took that. - Uh-huh. 514 00:18:44,261 --> 00:18:45,676 Oh, yeah, that is... 515 00:18:47,264 --> 00:18:49,852 That is too big. 516 00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:51,682 That is just way too big. 517 00:18:51,751 --> 00:18:53,235 I look like a Dick Tracy villain or something. 518 00:18:53,304 --> 00:18:55,479 Yeah. 519 00:18:55,548 --> 00:18:57,722 The explosion of laughter I got gave me new confidence, 520 00:18:57,791 --> 00:19:00,346 and as I began describing my drug mix-up, 521 00:19:00,415 --> 00:19:02,348 I was reminded that maybe 522 00:19:02,417 --> 00:19:05,247 the similarities in our stories didn't matter. 523 00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:08,940 In the suit, there's like, a small Ziploc baggie 524 00:19:09,009 --> 00:19:10,908 with, like, a powdery substance in it. 525 00:19:10,977 --> 00:19:12,565 Mm-hmm. 526 00:19:12,634 --> 00:19:14,187 Every great talk show anecdote 527 00:19:14,256 --> 00:19:16,224 follows the same formula. 528 00:19:16,293 --> 00:19:19,192 It didn't matter how many times the audience had heard it. 529 00:19:19,261 --> 00:19:21,194 They wanted to hear it again. 530 00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:24,473 And I see the sirens, and, uh, 531 00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:26,165 a cop pulls me over. 532 00:19:26,234 --> 00:19:29,029 "Thank God, you're not the fashion police, 533 00:19:29,098 --> 00:19:30,617 or I'd be in big trouble right now." 534 00:19:30,686 --> 00:19:33,241 I had left the baggie on the seat... 535 00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:35,104 - Oh. - Beside me. 536 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,693 Plot point after plot point, I was killing. 537 00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:39,523 "Oh, I don't know, it's not mine." 538 00:19:41,456 --> 00:19:43,630 But as my story crossed the nine-minute mark, 539 00:19:43,699 --> 00:19:46,046 I could tell they were expecting a big payoff, 540 00:19:46,115 --> 00:19:47,807 and if I could stick the landing, 541 00:19:47,876 --> 00:19:49,291 this could go down 542 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,155 as the best talk show anecdote 543 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:52,605 of all time. 544 00:19:52,674 --> 00:19:56,298 And I give the phone to the cop. 545 00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:59,198 And the cop takes it and hesitates 546 00:19:59,267 --> 00:20:01,096 and puts it to his ear, and he's like, 547 00:20:01,165 --> 00:20:03,305 "What's in the baggie?" 548 00:20:03,374 --> 00:20:05,549 And then there's this long silence 549 00:20:05,618 --> 00:20:08,241 while the cop is just listening, 550 00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:11,589 and then he looks at the baggie again 551 00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:15,766 and then hands back the baggie to me with my phone and says, 552 00:20:15,835 --> 00:20:17,733 "Okay. You're good." 553 00:20:19,494 --> 00:20:21,737 And so I say to him, 554 00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:24,084 I'm like, "What did he say..." 555 00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:26,984 "Was in the baggie?" 556 00:20:27,053 --> 00:20:30,263 And he said, "It's his mother's ashes." 557 00:20:33,335 --> 00:20:36,235 - So, you must've been... - I mean... 558 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,965 Firstly, I've never been so relieved 559 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:46,245 to find out I was holding human remains. 560 00:20:48,350 --> 00:20:50,490 That night, I was incredible, 561 00:20:50,559 --> 00:20:52,147 and I could rest easy, 562 00:20:52,216 --> 00:20:54,114 knowing that it all really happened. 563 00:20:54,183 --> 00:20:56,669 Nathan Fielder, everybody! We'll be right back. 564 00:20:56,738 --> 00:20:58,602 Ab-so-lutely.